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Our 23rd anniversary was celebrated with a tasteless (due to symptoms described earlier) Chinese meal. I'm almost at the point where I will give unsolicited advice at the slightest provocation. Maybe it's mid-life malaise or maybe it's brought on by my frequent bouts of night terrors where I scream like a wild boar stuck through the heart. Anyway, I'm starting to feel like I've earned it. And I'm seeing more and more young couples who need it. Of course we would all like to blabberate our opinions all the time, and be heard. Nothing new about that. There are a few topics though that I feel exceptionally compelled (in my paint fume induced opinion) to weigh in on. Sensitive subjects as they may be,
marital bliss and
child rearing come to mind. Take no offense, my ideas are not so much a comparison of one person's values/practices over another's as much as an observation that has borne itself out in over two decades of whip-cracking, God-thunder invoking, happy house making good will and cheer. I won't go into what makes a marriage stay together, too much stuff there but let me say that
intentionality is the key to making good kids...not "
love". Of course we need to love and nurture our offspring...usually not to difficult (at least at first) But too many folks raise their little kids based on their intuitive "feelings of love" and nothing more. Many of these little crumb crunchers are destined to be curses instead of blessings, at least till they pull out of the nose dive they're in in their mid twenties. They(parents) have such low expectations and high opinions of their children that the end result are disobedient, uncreative, self absorbed monsters. I'm here to say it doesn't have to be that way. Clear rules (parameters) with
no exceptions with early and immediate consequences made with forethought (intentionality) and not anger go a long way in bringing up kids to be a blessing, not only to their parents but to others as well. Who do I think I am you say? Nobody (do X-men exist?), is my response but check this; My kids have never once talked back to me or their mom, never thrown a fit, never begged for junk over and over till they got their way and never have they ever asked me to turn Bob Dylan down on the radio. They are not angels by any means but in every area where we have been intentional about their growth/obedience/kindness etc. (and started early...like at 6mos-1yr old) they have responded. My encouragement is this; people can raise their kids intentionally to be a joy to be around. Simple as that. And with a little extra force be made to have the same taste in music as their dad. See, once again, I've lowered the high bar of excellence just so's to keep me and others like me humble and aware of our own shortcomings. This great and beautiful sky painting was inspired by my son Darell's recent car accident that he got in on the way to visit my other son Darell in the county jail. Welcome to Catalina!